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[sociopolitically]

I TOLD MYSELF, FOR SURE, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

maybe for you who live like you're in a dream,
dressed in gold and silk

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[sociopolitically]

you're stubborn.

but okay, thank you.
i will make the grabbing most pleasurable for you, in that case.

[corautnil]

oh well good. give it a good squeeze. especially love when the fingers dig in just right. nothing wakes me up quicker than that. 😉

[sociopolitically]

really? what parts of you are we awakening?

[corautnil]

my cock for one

[sociopolitically]

there are times when i'm honestly asking myself why we aren't dating.

[corautnil]

good question.

but probably something about not wanting to ruin a beautiful friendship if I fuck up somehow. we both know I'm a right git when it comes to anything serious, no pun intended.

[sociopolitically]

fucking up isn't an act restricted to romantic relations.
you can fuck up in a friendship. you can fuck up in any relationship.
if you don't want to fuck something up, sirius, focus on not fucking it up.

i'm patient and pretty forgiving, though.
just in case you were wondering.

[corautnil]

we do the friendship part very well, though. so for me, it's anything else that would be the problem.

also you know I'm an absolute pillock when it comes to focusing on anything, so you're already suggesting the impossible, there.

weren't you seeing that other guy though? I forget his name. I saw him pick you up after class more than a few times. and you held his hand

( sirius always notices these things. )

[sociopolitically]

[ And Claude notices that he notices. ]

charles.

we're on a break.
he said he wanted to figure out what he actually wanted out of the relationship.
i'm fine with waiting. i'd rather he figures himself out and maybe, you know, breaks it off completely than i have to figure him out for him and then, break it off completely, because i'm not doing that emotional labour alone.

[corautnil]

( oh.

so he was never really an option. of course. claude was only speaking in supposition. he'd never really want to. who would? sirius is a bloody maniac who barely knows how to control himself even at the best of times. claude has an image to maintain. and moony has dora. remus has dora. claude will find his dora too someday, and sirius will smile and be proud while remembering his place in the world. regulus was right to have stopped relying on him.

why would anything be different here? )

I'm sure he'll come around. this is the only time in our lives to really figure ourselves out without looking absolutely foolish for it. though I'm sure I'll still be scrambling about well into my forties. dogs are indecisive.

[sociopolitically]

it's never foolish to work on yourself. 20's, 40's, 60's, right before you die.
it's never too late.

honestly, i'm not sure i want him to.
i'm not against helping my partners figure shit out, but they need to want me to.
i'm done being pushed away.

[ Is he reminded of Rainier? Yes, he's reminded of Rainier. Claude is never having that kind of one-sided relationship again. ]

[corautnil]

sometimes people need time to find the words. that's all.

and when he does, you'll both be stronger for it.

[sociopolitically]

and people say i'm the idealist.

you're a romantic, sirius.

[ Written with the greatest affection. ]

[corautnil]

always have, always will be. people don't tend to think love can win, but I certainly find it possible, having found my value outside my family home.

( he's cursed, though. a cursed romantic, never meant to find solace. might be a black thing. )